Special Update

We interrupt this period of blog inactivity to bring you a special feature. We here at Tracyblog, Inc. were invited to attend the opening night performance of “Monster in the Closet,” the latest play by the all-star cast of Miss Jones’s 5^th and 6^th grade class. Before proceeding on to the content of the play, we feel that it would be worthwhile to examine the long and strange journey leading up to its release.

This play, as many know, was the highly-anticipated follow up to 2006’s breakout hit, “Why Don’t You Read That in Front of the Whole Class?,” and brought instant fame and recognition for the entire cast, who of course were known at the time as “Mr. Tin’s 3^rd and 4^th grade troublemakers.” The play’s director and executive producer, Bill Tin, was a PSEA elementary stage performance veteran, whose long career included such hits as “Walk it Off,” “I Saw Who Did That!,” and arguably his greatest achievement, “I Hope You Brought Enough for Everyone: The Musical.” From the onset, this play had the Bill Tin advantage of instant name recognition, along with the Bill Tin comfort, Bill Tin durability, and Bill Tin value that appealed to both parents and lonely guys in their 30’s hoping to find a cute single mom. The play was an immediate success, and within a month of its opening, the cast took to the road for a tour of 66 of Pennsylvania’s 67 counties (Dauphin county being the only exception, and I think we all know why). However, as time went on, problems surrounding the play seemed to increase daily. The cast, who had never known fame on any level, were not mature enough to handle everything that went with it (the fact that their median age was 8 may have played a part as well, but we prefer not to speculate). Sides were taken. Certain cast members were blacklisted from Red Rover and Four Squares. There was even an unconfirmed report of an atomic wedgie. On the final night of the tour, the cast announced their immediate breakup and vowed never to perform again.

Many feared that this would be just another tragic example of a brilliant career cut short, much like Judy Winslow (the younger daughter on Family Matters who disappeared after season 3) the TV series Arrested Development, and Hi-C Ecto Cooler – but sometimes a little time is all it takes to heal wounds. A little time, that is, and a little inspiration.

Enter JR Jones, the stage name of Miss Jones, who adopted the name in honor of her longtime friend and personal bodyguard. The cast, who were now under the direction of Miss Jones, adored her and found a trust in her that was severely lacking on Mr. Tin (who, it should be noted, was eventually indicted for selling illegal copies of High School Musical 2). On a rainy April day when outdoor recess was cancelled, Miss Jones told the class about a play she had been working on – “Monster in the Closet.” It is no small understatement to say that the students were so amazed with what they heard, they decided unanimously to come out of retirement for this cause (well, except for Peter Piper, but nobody liked him anyway because he never shared his milk, and besides, someone had to build the props). The cast, now (basically) fully reassembled, focused all of their efforts on the new play – an easy sell, because it was a lot more enjoyable than long division and learning about the War of 1812 for the 3^rd time. Through sheer determination, the entire play was put together in less than one month. Keep in mind that it takes most actors of this age 3-4 months to even learn how to properly write a cursive letter Z. Upon its announcement, the play sold out in 7 minutes (though to be fair, the auditorium only holds 500 people), and the cast was featured on the May cover of “Child Elementary School Play Comeback Stories” magazine.

We’re now pleased to present our editorial review of the performance. Out of respect to the creative mind of Miss Jones who developed this play, no major plot details will be given, including the triple-twist ending that even fans of the show LOST won’t see coming. The scenery was beautiful, though Peter appeared to have aged 10 or 15 years from constructing it all. The music, provided by the 4^th grade recorders band, was simple yet quite appropriate for the play. The entire cast of 5^th and 6^th graders did not miss a beat and gave a performance far superior to their abilities of 2 years ago. The play itself is nothing short of magical, evoking feelings of joy, sadness, fear, laughter, and we’re pretty sure the slight nausea was from the cafeteria nachos & cheese. The audience gave the play a 10 minute standing ovation, and the cast was treated to pizza and ice cream afterwards.

And so we are now left to wonder that the future will bring for these young prodigies, though one cannot help but be left with an optimistic feeling. The mentoring, career development, and stability that Miss Jones gave to the cast may have been the missing piece to their success, and there will almost certainly be a large demand for a sequel as soon as possible. We’ll all be looking forward to it.

Rating: 9.5/10… but really, the .5 was just the nachos.